What is intractable conflict? 

 

 

Intractable conflict is demoralizing and capable of destroying lives, tearing apart family and friendship groups, while diverting attention and energy from more productive pursuits in life.
 
As intractable conflicts take hold in a marriage, the conflict becomes the primary focus on each person's thoughts, feelings and actions. Factors that are irrelevant to the conflict become framed in a way that intensifies or maintains the conflict.  
 
Couples often feel that the conflict acts like the force of gravity for their relationship as they sink down a well into which all emotional, mental and physical capacity is absorbed.
 
Intractable conflicts rarely produce happiness or even satisfaction. Nor are the goals of conflict often achieved.