A relationship health check...
All couples agree that marriage is an investment. Like all investments it will continue to grow and develop if you both put time and the right type of effort into it. The old adage applies here, 'the more you put in, the more return you will get’.
We have been counselling families and couples for nearly 30 years now, and over that time, experience has shown us that couples who create the best environment for relationships to flourish have demonstrated their commitment and willingness to adapt to the changes and challenges that life brings to them.
Fundamental to achieving and maintaining healthy relationships is a willingness to learn relationship skills.
These skills include, though are not limited to,
1. Communication skills
2. Emotional self awareness
3. Taking and understanding the value of responsibility
4. Non-blaming conflict resolution strategies
These skills may sound obvious, and quite simple to do, but because of their 'everydayness’ they are taken for granted and therefore not 'learned’ properly.
You may be pleased to know that healthy relationship skills can be learned. However, let me remind you....what you put in often equals what you get back.
Learning, developing and maintaining healthy relationships through better skills, knowledge and capabilities is like learning any sport, in that a lot of repetitive practice is required (and it’s not the balls fault that it didn’t go into the right spot).
Its not that simple...
Just like breathing or even eating, things we’ve all been doing since the day we were born, we all believe we know how to do them. You might say to yourself, "well, I’m still alive aren’t I, so I must be reasonable at breathing and eating". Whether you are healthy and will live a long life is another thing entirely.
When we hear about a person who has learnt how to breath effectively, in a manner that helps them to achieve a great goal such as in singing, sport or even meditation, we begin to understand that there is a hell-of-a-lot more to this skill than what we may have always assumed.
Fitness is similar, you don’t just get fit then stop exercising and expect to remain fit. Otherwise we would all be slim, trim and fit right? It’s exactly the same with relationships. You cannot simply put alot of effort in at the start, then stop putting the effort in and have the expectation that the relationship will remain healthy. It's not going to happen. Yet that is exactly what most couples do...
In order to get your life and relationship into good shape,
1. You have to 'learn how to learn'
2. You have to keep on learning
3. Then rinse and repeat....
In short, a marriage is similar to many things in life that require effort to maintain. But most couples do not apply this knowledge, or wisdom, to their marriage and family relationships.
The key message here is that a strong, loving and well-connected marriage and family absolutely requires you to keep on learning 'how to do a relationship'.
With this in mind, we suggest and encourage you to attend a relationship counselling health check or "reset session" occasionally to ensure that what you have already learnt still works and that you continue to build on a solid foundation. Alternatively, if there has been a slippage into old habits, you both get to address these issues before problems set in.
By doing this you are creating a smart marriage and a healthy family life together.
See the Relationship Review session
we offer at Humaneed.