Take responsibility, don't blame 

Communication is commonly considered the single most important skill in healthy relationships.

 

What is little understood is the responsibility that sits behind good communication, namely 'taking ownership’.

 

 

Healthy relationships require a person to take ownership of their part of the situation.

 

" Meaning that even if you are only partly responsible, say 20% and your partner 80%, it is much more useful to place your attention on your 20% while hardly noticing your partner’s 80%."

 

How does this help?

 

When you explore your part or area of ownership, whether it is 20% or more, in order to notice and learn more about your contribution.

 

In the process you actually learn more about yourself and it is this self-awareness and knowledge then enables you to creatively and respectfully resolve the matter.

 

  

It places you in a much better position to decide what to think and feel, and then how to react to the situation.  You are building your partners confidence in you and the knowledge that relationship difficulties will be managed in a respectful and caring way. Thus further deepening the love you hold for each other.

 

The opposite of 'ownership’ is blame.   Blame is an element that never serves any person well and is a destructive force in any intimate and committed relationship.

  

When any person is blaming they are typically going backwards in some way, taking the relationship with them.   Blame is a disempowering action.

 

"When blame is present, good communication is absent."

 

How to prevent blame?

 

A major difficulty in overcoming blame is the blurring of truth. There are typically elements of truth laced within the blaming story, often causing the relationship to become gridlocked in conflict and negative feelings. 

 

 

 

All too often the recipient of blame will take on the disempowering effect of blame. They will feel it is their entire fault. Should this occur with frequent regularity will lead to low self-esteem and possibly depression type behaviours.

 

Taking 'ownership’ requires a conscious choice combined with purposeful action. This is a challenge to achieve within the 'heat of the moment’ in a tense situation with your partner.

 

You must take charge of your ...

• Thoughts
• Feelings
• Judgments
• Actions

If you do not make the effort to take 'ownership’ then life in a relationship with such a person, it can be a challenge for the other party in the relationship.

 

Copyright Humaneed 2013