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Tips for Relationship Success            

1.    Skill-based proposition: 

 Take on the idea that love and marriage are skill-based propositions. Like most things of high value, it takes effort and mindfulness to achieve. Do not think that love just keeps going without any attention. 


2.    Put some thought into upskilling your conflict management abilities:

One of the best predictors of relationship breakdown is how a couple manages their disagreements. Developing the skills and knowledge of conflict management is important to sustaining a relationship. Both good and bad relationships experience conflict at various times, the difference is in how the conflict is managed. Two simple strategies are to introduce your point of difference in a softer way, and to discuss these differences without blame.



3.    Reach out for help early:

Typically, many couples leave seeking help until a lot of damage has been done to the relationship. It is also common for men to leave any health related matter, be it physical or mental, until it is right on that edge of being too little to late. How often are we reminded of the lesson to attend to problems early before they escalate;


4.    Repair attempts, argument exiting and a willingness to make up after a fight/argument are crucial:

 Couples that successfully do this are happy in their marriage. When the message that your relationship really matters to you is expressed to your partner there is less importance about the manner in which this is done. Initially attempts to do this may be clumsy and awkward. Strategies used by couples include humour, intimacy, owning the issues and valuing the other. If it is appropriate return to the issue with the intention to work it through in a respectful manner.


5.    Have high standards of yourself and your partner:

Successful couples set high standards from the beginning of their relationship. We have found that successful couples do not tolerate, accommodate or accept any hurtful, abusive or neglectful behaviour as soon as it first appears.


6.     Forget love (for now):

Many people struggle to fully understand what love is let alone how to form a loving relationship. We often recommend that people forget about love for now and focus on making their partner feel as if they are the most important person and that they really matter. If a person can achieve this, then love will naturally find its way into the relationship. This approach is easier for people to fully understand as opposed to the concept of love.


7.     Learn to embrace and integrate change and growth for oneself and another:

Each person in the relationship will change over the course of their lives. Frequently one partner does not easily accept the changes the other is making and they are reluctant to support their partner. Happy couples embrace change and growth and use the challenges to leverage their relationship to gain a deeper level of connection and intimacy.


8.    Focus on the positive side:

 When a marriage is viewed primarily through negative terms this will have a destructive influence on the relationship. Happy couples make far more positive comments to each other than they do negative comments.


9.    Passionate love and sex:

In all relationships there are periods of time when sex is more frequent and more passionate. The ideal is simply to enjoy the sexual interaction when its happening. Successful couples focus on developing a deeper and loving connection with their partner, when this occurs both passion and intimacy are usually present.



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